Elf's Treehouse -> Blog

Why Did I Buy This Part One

2012-12-28 15:10:42    |    Blog

Sometimes when you browse through your record collection, you come across albums that you either have no recollection of buying, or you just don't understand why you bought them. Since I have a few days off I browsed through my collection again, and came across a few turds in my collection.

BriskebyBriskeby: Jeans for Onassis
This album is so dull you would think it was made in the 90s. I've no idea why I ever liked this album. Not sure I ever did. I guess I was sucked into the hype when I bought it.

The band obviously think they are a modern Blondie, while they really are nothing but a bland pop band. Their big ambitions were obviously a result of them overestimating of their own abilities.

The album sold 120 000 copies in Norway and about a 1000 copies abroad. Thankfully their follow up albums tanked in Norway as well, and the band split up. The downside to this split is that their front woman continue to appear in the Norwegian media, for no good reason at all.

Rating: Diarrhea

CranberriesCranberries: No Need to Argue
This album actually was made in the 90s and it sounds like it.

Why did this band become popular at all? Was it because their vocalist did that thing with her voice in their only tolerable song, "Zombie?" Well, guess what: She does that thing with her voice in every bloody song. This makes listening to this album feel like the very same inane torture she sings about in their songs about the conflict in their home country.

In addition, the songs on this album are so boring that the album doesn't even function as discrete background music. It sucks the living soul out of any room it's played in, and you become a duller person because of it. If you own this album: Throw it away. Because I know you haven't listened to it since college in 1995, and you never will again. Ever!

Rating: Duller than Dullards

MadonnaMadonna: American Life
After making an incredible comeback with "Ray of Light," Madonna followed it with an album called "Music," which in hindsight isn't that great either.

However, nothing can excuse this release. Madonna tries to be political on this album, and it just doesn't work (you know she's in trouble when she poses like Che Guevara on the cover).

In the past, Madonna had been great at finding the right people to work with on her music. This time she chose Mirwais Ahmadza´. A bloke nobody had heard of before, or since. At least William Orbit had (and maybe still has) a name.

Madonna would never reach the heights of "Ray of Light" again. "Confessions on a Dance Floor" was a good album, but everything Madonna has done since has been boring and...well..sucky. And this album is where her ability to realise what's working and not working started to malfunction. Even die hard Madonna fans admit to having nearly forgotten this album.

Rating: Completely forgettable

U2U2: Actung Baby
Some people hate U2 with a passion. I think it all boils down to their pretentious twat of a lead singer, Bono, and the almost as pretentious guitarist. Any person calling themselves The Edge should be put in a vat of acid. Everybody makes fun of that reality dude The Situation. I don't see how naming yourself The Edge warrants any less ridicule.

I don't hate U2. I just find them to be bland and uninteresting. I just don't bother with them. They did do some good songs in the 80s, but when I try to listen to them today, I just can't remember what songs.

I did buy this album when it came out and I tried really hard to get into it. But now, it's just so mind numbingly boring that I'm just not able to handle it. I tried again earlier this autumn, but after four songs I realised I was dozing off on my bike, so I just had to turn it off.

And for the record: It's produced by Brian Eno, one of my all time musical heroes! So don't give me any lip about being biased.

The album did result in a fantastic remix of "Even better than the real thing," so at least it's got that going for it. But admit it: You only bought this for the track "One." Right?

Rating: Over the Edge
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