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Why Did I Buy This Part Two

2013-03-03 13:44:09    |    Blog

I continue browsing through my record collection to find stuff that makes me go "what the hell was I thinking?" Be sure to read part one first.

EncoreEminem: Encore:
When the best track on the album is the god awful single ‘Just Lose It' you know you're in trouble. This album is so bad, it isn't even left hand work, it's left foot work.

Eminem burps, pukes, shits and farts several times in the songs, and listening to this album you're convinced that he pulled the entire album out of his digestive system. It certainly stinks like a turd.

What happened to the witty and clever rhymes, chorus lines that actually fit the melody, and songs that don't sound like the one you just heard? To quote a song from this album: “You make me puke!”

Rating: Puke

Loreena McKennitLoreena McKennitt: The Book of Secrets
Every other year I still pull out her album The Visit. That record still has a lot of wonderful tunes, I think, and her harp playing and voice is incredible.

However, The Book of Secrets is, like the Celtic Wave of the mid 90s: A snooze fest. The album is so bland and anonymous, that I don't even remember what it sounds like anymore.

All I know is that if I even as much as think about putting it on, which I never do, everything in it screams to me that an overdose of sleeping pills is a better way to go.

Rating: Sleep inducing

GoldieGoldie: Saturnz Return
Credited for being one of the inventors of Jungle (remember the 15 minutes that genre had?). He was so hot in the mid 90s that he even has David Bowie appearing on this album. And that's on a hidden bonus track!

However, the entire first disc is, in addition to said bonus track, filled with a one hour symphonic Jungle break beat composition, about Goldie's own mother... Nuff said!

Rating: Self importance are us!

Wild SeedMorten Harket: Wild Seed
This was released in 1995, while A-ha was on a break. It was Morten's second solo album (the less said about the first one, Vogts villa, the better) and me and my girlfriend at the time were convinced that this album was great. It's not!

Yes, Morten's voice is amazing, but the songs here are the kind of bland 90s pop ballads that even radio stations had grown tired of by then. And if Morten had performed these songs with even more emotion and feeling than he does here, he would have imploded.

There's even a song where he speaks to the lord, for chrissakes. Pompous, git.

Rating: Head up ass

OrbinaOrbina: Orbina
There was a time in the early to mid 90s where I was convinced ethnic music was good. It's not. No, really! It's not, and you're wrong if you think otherwise.

So when a group from the most northern part of Norway decided to create an album around old joiks, I bough the album. Probably in an insane moment of political correctness.

Joik is an ancient Sami tradition, and they claim to have a joik for almost anything. I really can't tell, because they all sound the same to me. And so it is with this album.

No matter what kind of beat or arrangement they put underneath the Sami chanting, it all sounds the exactly same. The exception is the title track. On that they've put a Joik on top of a really clichéd hard rock arrangement, and it's actually pretty cool.

Rating: Reindeer me!
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